he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
