Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
