Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
