I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
