Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
