So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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