I faked an abortion last night.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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