I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
