I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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