All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
