Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
