I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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