I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
