AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
