12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
