My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
