the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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