Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
