To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Duck Duck Cougar?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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