How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
