you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
