everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
