once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
