If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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