I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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