I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
