Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I came so hard my ears popped.
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