420 ftw
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
