so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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