Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Success! We fucked roommates!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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