dude i'm inner monologue high
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
