Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
