just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
