u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
