in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can I color on your dick again?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
