On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
