I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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