I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
