well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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