i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
