My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
