I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
