I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
