Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
