there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
