My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
