Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
