did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
