the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
