Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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