were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
