Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
