Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
